The Workplace Chameleon with Dr. Celina
This podcast is about the changing organization and our relationship to it -- how we enter, thrive and exit. Each episode is meant to be thoughtful, funny, and applicable. Stories, insight, and "words to say" come from Dr. Celina's experience with over two and a half decades of listening, learning from and leading conversations in hundreds of companies. Each episode will explore a new theme about life arriving in, interacting with and leaving the workplace.
The Workplace Chameleon with Dr. Celina
Episode 88: The Cost of Yes
“Yes” feels positive, open, and full of possibility. But every time you say it, you’ve swiped a card—whether you realize it or not. The bill shows up later in the form of stress, late nights, or missed opportunities.
In this episode of The Workplace Chameleon, Dr. Celina Peerman explores why every yes costs you something—and how to make sure the trade is worth it. From hidden opportunity costs to the “ten-minute trap” that turns into hours lost, Dr. Celina shows how leaders and teams can protect what matters most by saying yes with intention.
Welcome to the Workplace Chameleon. This is Dr Selina. This is where we chase less, choose better, lead with intention, even when the workplace feels pretty wild place feels pretty wild. Today we're going to talk about a word that feels so positive, so open, so full of possibilities and one of my favorites. Yet it comes with a bill. You know like the server brings you at the end of your meal and says this is what it just cost you. The word I'm talking about is yes, y-e-s. Your last yes came with a receipt. Did you read it?
Speaker 1:Because every yes costs you something. Now the people in my life would like me to repeat that a few more times, because I'm really good at saying yes. If you didn't check the price, you might already be paying in stress, late nights or missed opportunities. And here's the truth that I see A yes in one direction is always a no somewhere else, and sometimes that no it's just something you actually care about more. Have you ever had that happen? I know I have.
Speaker 1:When every yes costs you something, you get to decide if the trade is worth it. To decide if the trade is worth it. I explore this in my book called 39 Squirrels a little bit more, because yes has costs and saying yes is also saying no. So let's get really clear for a moment on what I mean by cost. I'm not talking about money. Every yes gives you costs in at least one of these three currencies Time, energy and thirdly, focus Time no-transcript. You might be saying to yourself right now Selena, can I play that part for my boss? Yes, because sometimes things come at us and we don't feel or we may not have any choice. The timing isn't what we wanted, but here we are and then we acknowledge the delay or the drop because there's still only so many hours in our day.
Speaker 1:The second one I mentioned was energy. Your mental bandwidth is limited. Pouring it into one commitment actually means draining it from another. We still only have so much energy. Every day you get to decide where that goes, and focus. Every yes adds competition for your attention, pulling you into multiple directions. Now, as I have fully disclosed with 300 squirrels running through my head all the time, regardless of those squirrels, I enjoy having my focus in different places. I enjoy lots of different kinds of stimulus around me, and those stimuli kind of draw me into lots of neat things to think about, because I'm an idea person, but there's always a hidden opportunity cost.
Speaker 1:By saying yes to this, I've automatically had to say no then to something else, even if I didn't mean to or want to. I like to think of it like swiping your Focus credit card it feels really good in the moment, but I'm going to pay for it later with interest if I'm not intentional. Let's consider for a moment when we overspend on yes. So why do we keep saying yes without checking the price tag? I believe there's a few reasons.
Speaker 1:Number one approval seeking. We don't want to disappoint people. We want to be seen as helpful, collaborative, a team player. Maybe it's really good work that we're interested in and we want other people to know yes, we're interested. Second, fomo fear of missing out. That project looks shiny, exciting and maybe even career boosting. Now I love to start things. I love ideas. I love the launch stage. I go, oh, I want to soak that up. One of the things I've had to learn over the years and it's been very helpful to me is I can say that is really good work. I could enjoy that work, I would enjoy that project. But it's not my work right now, it's somebody else's. When I can choose that it's good for them and be happy for that.
Speaker 1:The third one was approval seeking. Two was FOMO. Three habit Sometimes we've just been on yes autopilot for years. We just get used to saying yes without understanding what that actually costs us. And the fourth, for this part, fear, fear. Fear that saying no will hurt our reputation, our relationships or future opportunities. Okay, this one, this one, I'm still working on, and it took me a long time to understand that. It was fear that if I say no to you, I don't want to risk my reputation or my relationship or my future opportunities, because those are, like three of my key motivators in this life. What are yours?
Speaker 1:I also think about just short-term traps that happen on the job. Someone says, hey, could you help me out real quick? And you think, sure, 10 minutes is nothing, except the follow-up questions come, and then the clarifications, and then the extra meeting, and then suddenly it's two hours and you're behind on what you already had planned to do. I want us to be helpful. It is one of the number one relationship builders. But in that moment when that 10-minute trap pops up and you want to be helpful, you want to say, sure, I'll jump in, but we also need to protect our energy, our time and our focus so we can be the co-worker, the professional and, by the way in our personal lives the person we want to be. What can we do? Let's look at some of my favorite filters for a better yes.
Speaker 1:So how do we spend our yeses wisely? Here are a couple of things that I try to do. One, the alignment check. Does this match our top goals? If not, why am I saying yes? Alignment Number two bandwidth check. Do we have the time and energy for this now? Bandwidth Three the trade test. If I say yes here, what will I have to delay, drop or diminish Trade? And the fourth one the timing question Is now the right time or could this wait? Timing, alignment, bandwidth, trade timing Sometimes you can buy yourself a little bit of breathing room with a phrase like this.
Speaker 1:That's a great idea. Let's look at the right time for it. You're not shutting it down forever. You're just protecting what matters most right now and after a thoughtful conversation. If it's this, then something else gets postponed.
Speaker 1:I think there's opportunity for each of us to work on our own, but one of the areas that I'm most interested in is how we do this work together, because this isn't just about our personal calendar. It's really about team culture. I'm convinced that, within our workplace, team time management is one of the things we should be paying attention to, because teams that value intentional yeses get more done and, by the way, they experience less burnout. When we encourage a team culture where not right now is respected, when we share priorities openly so people understand why some requests can't be added, when we use backlog lists, great ideas don't disappear. They just wait for the right time and we celebrate no's as much as we celebrate smart yes's. We do better, we serve better, we take better care of each other and our organizations are healthier.
Speaker 1:Here are three questions you could bring to your next team meeting. What's one thing we've said yes to? That's now crowding out a bigger priority? That's now crowding out a bigger priority. What would we gain if we said no to one current project? Where do we need a pause before yes habit? Okay, let me do that one again, but this time you're going to check out my air quotes that you can't see, but I'm going to insert them. Where do we need a air quote? This time, you're going to check out my air quotes that you can't see, but I'm going to insert them. Where do we need a air quote? Pause before yes. Air quote have it. These are skills we can build as a team. What's our biggest priority? What would we gain if we said no to a current project? And a pause before yes is okay. It's clarity in our mind to choose our next best step. So my hope is this is your takeaway, because it's one I continue to wrestle with every day.
Speaker 1:Yes is not free. It's a trade. The best leaders spend it like it matters because it does. Before your next yes, pause. Check the price tag in time, energy focus and opportunity time, energy focus and opportunity and make sure it's worth what you will pay. Thanks for joining me on the Workplace Chameleon. If this episode might make you think twice before your next yes, share it with your team and see what conversations it sparks. I invite you to check out my book 39 Squirrels and always lead with intention. Protect your priorities and keep, please, please, please, please, learning something new today. Take care, I'll see you next time.
